Ok so I woke up this morning and there was a fucking goat in my room
a movie about two asexual aromantic best friends who have a best friend marriage for tax benefits
that does not end with a scene of swelling music and passionate kiss where they realize they really do love each other after all
It ends with a fist bump or something. I’m on board.
There’s this asshole who every time he sees me with my ukulele he thinks he’s funny and asks “Can you play any Metallica?” but the joke is now on him because I just learned how to play the intro riff to Master of Puppets.
I did it. I fucking did it. He asked me again just like I knew he would and I stared him straight in the eyes without blinking and just fucking shredded on my ukulele
Look how cute #falloutboy #mnstatefair
Patrick has the absolute best smile!
okay i’m sorry but does anyone else think pete and pat look weirdly similar in this photo or
Black shirt? Black jacket? Black fedoras? Smiling? Nah I don’t see it
I won’t fight
I can’t fight
I can’t help
I don’t want to fight
GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY DEAN
I made two Chinese restaurants call each other.
oh my fucking god
this is seriously my favorite post it’s so awkward oh my god
a bubble freezing at -10º F degrees
THIS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING I HAVE EVER VIRTUALLY WITNESSED
degrees fahrenheit degrees
NO “TELEPHONES”. TALK TO EACH OTHER. FACE TO FACE ONLY. WRITE A LETTER. SEND A TELEGRAM TO YOUR MOM. PRETEND IT’S 1860. LIVE.
NO ‘WRITING’… TALK TO EACH OTHER. THROW A ROCK AT YOUR MOM. PRETEND IT’S 10,000 BCE. LIVE.
URGGA. ROU GRAAURH. RUH.
<SMACKS HANDS ON WALL WITH PAINT.>
NO ‘HIGHER BRAIN FUNCTIONS’ …USE YOUR REPTILIAN BRAIN
EAT YOUR MOM’S CORPSE SHE DIED TO PROVIDE YOU WITH SUSTENANCE
PRETEND YOU HAVE JUST AROSE FROM THE SEA
NO “MULTICELLULAR TRAITS”….. USE YOUR SYMBIOTIC MITOCHONDRIA
REPRODUCE ASEXUALLY, YOU’RE YOUR OWN PARENT
PRETEND IT’S 2BYA
NO “LIFE.” USE FUNDAMENTAL PHYSICAL FORCES TO FORM SPHERICAL OBJECTS REVOLVING AROUND ONE ANOTHER IN SPACE.
FUSE HYDROGEN INTO HELIUM USING GRAVITATIONAL PRESSURE TO PRODUCE HEAT AND LIGHT.
PRETEND IT’S 4.5BYA.
STABILIZE INTO EQUILIBRIA
NO “MATTER”. EXIST IN THE VOID WITHOUT PURPOSE OR MEANING.
THERE IS NO “YOU”, ONLY THE VAST CONCEPT OF NOTHING.
TIME DOES NOT EXIST.
so airplanes officially banned tweezers. honestly i think anyone that can hijack an airplane with a pair of tweezers deserves the airplane
wake up america